My Dress.

We've been engaged for two weeks tomorrow.
AND I already have my dress-crazy, I know!

I got it yesterday, and I am so excited!

As I planned to attend the Bridal Fair & my first dress appointment I in no way expected to find "the" dress.  AT ALL.  I just wanted to look and have some fun with my bridesmaids and my mom and was really looking forward to being in a wedding dress for the first time.

I fully expected this process to take months...and I'm sure, if I'd really wanted it to, I still could have made it that way.  But I didn't.

I put on the first dress and it didn't really feel like I expected.  I thought I'd feel weird, but I didn't.  I stood on the pedestal and looked at myself and it just looked like a long white dress.

I quickly got out of that one and put on another...this one I liked more and when I came out of the room, the lady asked me if I'd like to try on a veil.  I responded, "sure why not" and she ran off to get me one.  It wasn't until she placed the veil on my head and I looked in the mirror that it really hit me...I'M GETTING MARRIED....this is NOT just a white dress...this is a WEDDING dress.  It was a very crazy feeling...and then I got teary eyed-and my girls and my mom cried. I know it sounds corny, and I didn't expect to feel that way, but I did.

However, this was not my dress either.  I liked it, but I didn't love it.  I felt emotional, but not like "this is it" which I'd heard is the feeling you get when you put on your dress.  I'd heard you just know.

I tried on several more...and then there was one.  I actually picked it out months ago online while watching "say yes to the dress" and browsing with my mom.  I even saved it in a folder under "ideas" as I was not even engaged at this point.  Then, two weeks ago when we got engaged, I bought my first bridal magazine.  In that magazine, amongst the pages of beautiful dresses, was the dress that I had saved months ago online. I snipped it out and taped it into my "wedding notebook".  Even in doing all of this...I didn't expect to put it on and it be "the" dress.  I just liked the style of it...the idea of it.  But when I put it on, walked out of the room, and all the girls cried again-includng my mom-this time it felt different.  I was shaking. Literally.  I could see myself walking down the aisle.  I could see my fiancé smiling-thinking I looked beautiful.  I felt so good.  I could move, I could breathe, I could dance (yes I tested this of course lol).  It actually looked like me...but in a wedding dress.  A stranger actually asked me if I had already decided on the dress-I told her I hadn't-to which she responded that I should.  She told me that she loved the dress and had wanted it to work for her and that she had tried it the day before.  She then told me it looked way better on me.  I appreciated her stopping and acknowledging me in the dress.  It made me feel good-if she didn't know me and thought it should be my choice, that probably says something.  Especially if you are willing to stop and say something to a complete stranger.  But I still at this point wasn't ready to commit.  My mom told the sales lady this, but asked that we get the information on it anyway because she had a feeling I'd be back....Mother know's best. lol.  And I headed back into the dressing room.

I tried on another, that actually everyone liked as well.  But the reaction wasn't the same...and I didn't feel the same.  So they told me to try on the other one more time.  I went back into the dressing room with my mom, and as I was slipping it over my head I said "Mom, this is my dress."  I said it with such confidence.  I didn't feel scared, I didn't feel sick, I just felt sure...and so, so good.

I rang a bell and announced it to the store, and it was done.  I am so excited-shocked that it happened so quickly-but excited.  I know I have so many things to do over the next year, as I want to put my creative touch on things, and I want this wedding to feel like "us".  I want it to be fun, laid back and casual-but beautiful all at the same time.  With everything I hope to do, I know I will have plenty to do and already having a dress takes care of something already.  So call me crazy, but I said YES to the dress...already.  I cannot wait to wear it, walk down the aisle, and marry my best friend.

My Bridesmaids!

I'm excited to be able to share this since my girls said YES.

So here is how I asked my girls to be my Bridesmaids!

First, I wrote each of them a card just saying how thankful I am that each of them is in my life and how I am so excited that they will be there on my special day...

I found these really cuter yellow and black cards at Target...they match our colors perfectly!

Then, inside each card was a typed note asking each of them to do certain things for me, and to be my bridesmaid.  I tailored each to the girl I was asking.  Some of the lines were the same, but I tried to make several lines in each personal to my relationship with each girl as well.

I got the idea online, but the note is all me.

Then I wrapped up for each of them one of my favorite wedding themed movies "27 dresses".  I made sure to include in each note "will you promise to help me find the perfect dress-even if it takes 27 tries?"  Just to incorporate the movie too.

I wrote to each of them on the box as well, just so even if they lose the card and the paper, they will still have a note from me telling them how excited I am that they will be standing up there with me!

When I was done with all the personal touches I wrapped them up like this:

I think they came out super cute!!!  

Then it was time to deliver them.  Since we are all attending a bridal fair this weekend and I'm trying on dresses for the first time-and these girls will be with me, I wanted them to now beforehand!  So I made sure to deliver them all this week.

I had so much fun surprising them and giving them these letters and gift from me, and it was so great to share my excitement with them!  Each and everyone of these girls has been there for me at some point or another and been my best friend.  I am very excited to spend more time with these girls over the next year, and to have them stand up there with me as I marry the love of my life.

Thank you, 

Nicole, Jenna, Alise, Harmony, & Liz.  I love all of you SO much.  Thank you for being apart of our special day, and all the days in between. 

Happiness.

I've been happy a lot in my life.
I like to think I'm typically a happy person.
I've had my rough times in life that definitely made it complicated to stay happy...But I've had more happy times than sad.
But I can honestly say, I have NEVER been this happy before.

I'm having a hard time even grasping the reality of last week's events.
Even so, I have already jumped right into wedding planning...
We've picked colors, looked at venues, and if it all works as we hope...we've picked a date.  I have bridesmaids, and a maid of honor, and a ring bearer.  And this Sunday I am going to a Bridal Fair and to look at dresses for the first time.
And even with all of that, even with the ring on my finger...I still feel in shock that it happened.  And I feel so incredibly happy.  Like butterflies in my tummy, goofy grin on my face, staring at my ring for hours kind of happy.

I am so grateful for all the family and friends who have helped us celebrate over the last week.  We love you and are so thankful for all of you.

And thank you fiancé, for making me the happiest I have ever been.
I am looking forward to this year of excitement with you...
And I can't wait to be your wife.

Our engagement :)

I can't even really believe I'm typing this...as I'm typing it.  Yesterday, my wonderful boyfriend of almost 6 years asked me to marry him.

It's official...WE'RE ENGAGED!

It's the weirdest feeling to be able to type those words, say those words, yell those words into the phone to our families and friends.  So weird, and so, so good.

It's no big secret I have been waiting for this for awhile...I've been planning on Pinterest for months, I watch Say Yes to the Dress way too much, and the ring now sitting happily on my left ring finger has been picked out since last June.

I knew it was coming this year.  We had talked and really felt like this year would be right.  I want a long engagement so that I can plan-because I'm a crazy planner (lol) and he is graduating at the end of the year!
But I had NO IDEA...i repeat absolutely NO IDEA that it would happen today.  I had convinced myself actually that it would be much later this year because he would be stressed with school and I was absolutely CERTAIN that no ring had been purchased.

Little did I know, that the ring we found and I fell in love with last year, and have admittedly pulled up on my computer several dozen times just to stare at-was purchased the very next day.
He picked it up in December, and has been saving it for the right time.

He struggled with the place, and the time, and ultimately chose Valentine's Day.  Mostly because he knew it was the very last day of the entire year that I would ever expect it.  I think we have actually talked a time or two about how "cliche" Valentine's proposals are.  But, after over 5 and a half years of dating and me knowing this was coming at some point, and me thinking I knew what days it wouldn't happen-this day was perfect.

I did not expect the events of today at all...and I could not be more happy.

So here you go....the Proposal :)

About a week ago, we started talking about Valentine's day and he asked me if there was anything I wanted to do.  I told him it didn't matter to me and that I knew he had work in the morning and school after.  He nonchalantly mentioned that he could probably get out of class if I wanted to go away for the day  since he would be off work by 10 am.  I thought this sounded like fun but told him if he really needed to be in class not to worry.  We didn't really talk about it again until Monday when I asked him if he had decided on any plans for Valentine's day. He said he didn't have class anymore so he would pick me up like 10:30 or so and we could head up to Tahoe for the day-which we often do, so I thought nothing of it.
The rest of the day on Monday he kept texting me saying he was doing homework or working on school stuff so he couldn't hang out...which also happens often-so i thought nothing of it- I knew he was probably trying to get everything that was due Wednesday done before we were gone to Tahoe all day Tuesday.

Little did I know he was preparing for today.  He didn't even have class. Sneak, Sneaky.  And this morning , he didn't have work.  Nope, he requested that off a month ago.

Instead what my amazing guy was doing yesterday and from 6am to 10am this morning was driving to Apple Hill (to this spot that over the years has become special to us) and setting this up for me:

He sent me a text this morning asking me to be his valentine and told me he would be at my house around 10:40.  He picked me up and we headed to Jack in the Box to grab me some breakfast before getting on the road.  Now maybe at this point I should have thought something was up-he made a U-turn and headed towards South Lake.  We always go to North Lake except for maybe two times...But when I said "we always go to North lake where are we going?" He casually responded "I thought we'd just go to South Lake since we never do."  Again, I thought nothing of it.  (Later I would learn, he actually contemplated doing it in North Lake, but decided this place was better.) 

So we headed out towards South Lake Tahoe listening to some love song mix CD I made him for his birthday two years ago and talking about normal things.  He didn't seem different, or nervous, or anything really-he was just My Kyle.

We were driving along when we both saw the Apple Hill sign, and he said "Apple Hill?"  To which I quickly responded "Sure why not, we don't have plans."  And he turned off the freeway.  Now here was my next hint...another one I didn't really catch...He got to our spot so quickly.  We found this spot amongst the windy roads of Apple Hill back on our 6 month anniversary and we had a picnic there.  It was such a great day.  We ate and talked for literally hours-and it instantly became a favorite place for the both of us.  We went back two or three times after that looking for it, but could never find it.  So a few years ago we asked some people to help us find it, and we have been going back regularly-the last time was in October.  Even if we don't picnic there, every time we go to Apple Hill we stop at that spot and walk around.  It's usually hard to find though-but on this day Kyle suddenly knew some crazy quick route.  But I just assumed he learned from the last time we spent hours driving around looking for it.  (I'd find out later, he had been there several times lately and had even met the man who owns the property).

We pulled up to the park and I still had no idea.  I had hopes...because I always did...but I didn't expect it in the least.

I put on my jacket and he put on his and we started walking down the grassy hill.  I noticed the balloons in the distance almost immediately.  I started saying things like "Are those for me?"  "Did you do this?"  "Did you have to ask someone?"  I even asked "Is this legal?" (haha. Kyle loved that one.)  As we got closer I realized that this was in fact for me and I thought It was so sweet.  I told him as we got closer that I felt like crying that he was too sweet and I couldn't believe he had done all this for me.  (Still didn't think we were getting engaged.)  Now I should explain, my boyfriend (fiancé now...have to get used to that) is extremely corny.  In the absolute best way.  That being said, it would not have been too crazy for him to actually have done this for me just for a Valentine's Day date.  So, I still just wasn't sure.  It wasn't until I tried to sit down at the chairs and table that he had brought in that I realized something was happening.  He hugged me...told me he loved me...and proceeded to get down on one knee.

This is NOT a photo from the actual moment when he proposed...we jokingly took it after...it is the spot where he did it though.  (And I was later informed that the whole thing was videotaped by a GoPro hanging in the tree above us-true Kyle Haubert fashion.  So we are hoping to be able to take still shots from the footage of the actual moment!)

So yes, down on one knee...he proceeded to tell me how much he loved me and some other things.  To be perfectly honest I cannot remember all that he said because I could not even believe it was happening.  (He told me he remembers it and will write it down for me so I'll know forever)

I do remember him saying "Jerra Lyn Copp...(then reaching in his jacket pocket)...Will you marry me?"  And I said "YES!".  We hugged and kissed and then I said "Can I put that on please?!" haha.

We were both shaking so bad it was hard to get a good picture...but I think this one definitely does it justice.  It is absolutely beautiful.

After the initial shock died down a little we both got out our phones to make some calls...

He had already asked my dad so I called my mom and told her the news!  Then the rest of our parents, my brothers, his brothers, uncles, aunts, grandmas, my girlfriends and his friends.  We had a blast waiting for people to pick up and yelling "WE'RE ENGAGED!!!"  It was so exciting.  Everyone was so wonderful.  We felt so much love and encouragement from each and every call and text.

We have such a great support system, and it was so great to share our news!

After making some phone calls we set up a picnic-it was too cold to sit in the chairs in the shade so we laid out a blanket and ate on the grass just like we did the first time we went there.  I couldn't eat though!  I was too excited. He was so thoughtful though.  Brought my favorites and thought of absolutely everything it seemed.  It could not have been more nicely planned out.  I felt so incredibly special and so, so loved.

We sat and talked for awhile and then decided to take some pictures...we have literally thousands of pictures together and we take them everywhere we go.  I love pictures :)

So here you go...some of our own engagement shoot haha.  Enjoy.

 We ended the day driving to South Lake Tahoe for some walking around and dinner, before coming home to make the rounds to our houses and see our families.   

Everything was absolutely perfect and I could not feel more blessed.  I am so thankful for this amazing guy that God has given me, and I cannot wait for our future together. 

Happy Valentines Day everyone.  

This is certainly one I will NEVER forget.  

Love.

With Valentine's Day coming up LOVE seems like an obvious topic to blog about.
However, my inspiration for this posting is actually from a movie I saw tonight with my bf.


We went to see "The Vow"...which I have been dieing to see since I first saw the preview.  
Quick synopsis: a young (newly) married couple is involved in a car accident in which the wife suffers a traumatic brain injury resulting in memory loss.  Ultimately she loses the last 5 years of her memory and has no recollection of her husband-who in turn tries to make her fall in love with him again.
(I promise you I am giving away nothing that wasn't already given away in the previews-so no worries!)


First of all-how incredibly sad.
And second-what an amazing love. 


I sat through the movie...well cried through it (lol)...thinking about the couple the story was based on.  The real life couple that went through much of what I watched.  I thought about how scary it must have been for her, and how heartbreakingly difficult for him.

The Love of his Life, the woman he Married-had no idea who he was.

I thought of how he could have responded to this news: leaving her immediately, changing stories as he tried to help her remember, getting frustrated and giving up...

But, Love is a pretty powerful thing.

At dinner I mentioned these thoughts to my bf.

I was enjoying my dinner with him when I glanced over and saw this couple in line waiting to order.  She was telling him something, and he sweetly leaned in and kissed her on the forehead and they smiled at each other.  I too, have experienced this type of moment with my bf...many times.  And obviously, it wasn't the first time I've seen a sweet exchange between two people, but having just seen this movie, it got me into deep thinking.  

So, yes, back to what I brought up...this persistent kind of love that I witnessed in the movie.  What makes that happen for some people?  What sparks that interest for two people?  What makes you love a person so insanely much that you are willing to overcome loss of memory just for the chance to love them some more?  What makes you feel so strongly for one person, and nothing for another?

I asked all of these things-i think at first the bf thought I wanted to date other people. (not the case AT ALL).  lol.  It was more my point actually...what was it that so strongly ties me to him, that didn't tie me to anyone else?  What made that boy in line sweetly kiss that girls head, and have no intimate feelings for anyone else?  What made the husband fight to make his wife love him again...when she couldn't even remember she was his wife?

We discussed timing...

Compatibility...

Life situations...

Growth of feelings over time...

And ultimately concluded: It's a God thing.

Some people are in your life for a short time-they can leave a mark large or small, or leave absolutely no imprint at all.  Then there's those who stay much longer-forever even-and they leave a lasting impression.  But none of those relationships come close to that person that God created with you in mind.  The one you would keep falling in love with over, and over, and over again...the one you'd fight for....the one you'd do anything for.

And there's really no explanation for why this happens...or when it happens...or with whom it happens. Except...that "It's a God thing."

As humans, we make mistakes.  Often we take advantage of this gift of love.  We treat it badly, we talk down to it, we disrespect it, some even cheat on it, abuse it, and throw it away.  But this love is a gift.  Its a representation of His love for us.  I believe it is what He gave us to help us through the good and the bad...the happy and the sad.  No one will ever love us like He does...but he can sure put people in our lives to be examples, and reminders, of the love that he provides. 

I challenge you to cherish the love in your life.  On Valentine's Day, and everyday in between. 

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for...in no particular order.

Caffeine.  I have been having horrible headaches, and caffeine is a wonderful thing. 

God. He is constantly challenging me to surrender to his plan and trust.

My family.  They are amazing people. 

Project Runway.  I love watching creative people and I can't wait to watch the next episode of All Stars. 

Pinterest.  It keeps me entertained, and gives me new and creative things to try.

My boyfriend.  He is so supportive, and cute, and funny, and so many other things. I love him. 

The interview that I had yesterday.  It was a positive experience, and I really needed it.

The power of prayer.  It seriously can help me find peace in the nastiest of storms.

The Sacramento Kings.  I am such a fan, and I am thankful for the entertainment they provide.  Cant wait for the game tonight with my love!

This Beautiful weather: seriously. its gorgeous out.

That I can wash my hair today. haha.  I got my hair done and you can't wash it for two days.  I cannot wait! 

Enjoy your Thursday everyone!  And remember to be thankful for the little things.

Oh, timing.

Tomorrow I have an interview.  I'm not going to share details about it yet, or even say what the position is. Only that it is for something totally different than anything I've done and honestly has no relation to my major.  A break from retail, perhaps?  I must admit I am hoping so.
I am curious, excited, and nervous all at the same time.  But mostly I am encouraged by God's ability to take over and provide at the best possible times.  Even if I don't get this job, or if it turns out to be the wrong thing for me, this interview is good timing.  I needed this encouragement...and I am grateful for His timely response.

So, prayers please.
And let's see where this goes.

Focusing on the perfect timing of NOW.

I was thinking today that I've been a little negative as of late...or a lot negative.  I have felt down about my job search that has resulted in absolutely NO calls, or emails back-except those to tell me I am unqualified for what I applied for.  I also have felt discouraged about my health-I was trying to get back into working out and eating better but instead started getting headaches every single day that made me want to do anything but work out...and resulted in me consuming a large amount of french fries. whoops. 

I also have been struggling with timing.  I'm 23 years old and I already graduated from college.  BUT...Why am I living at home?  Why don't I have a job?  Why am I reconsidering my major choice?  Why am I not engaged?  Why have I not done more with my life?  Why so many things?  Why...why...why?  Oh, yea. Because its NOT my timing.  And it's not my plan. It's HIS.  So this week, I'm moving forward with absolute surrender.  Surrendering to his timing and his plan. 

Remembering that every single day is apart of my journey.

Molding me and shaping me for His great purpose.

A purpose that is far greater than I can comprehend.

  

Happy Monday, All. 

and the hunt continues.

So, I've been on the job hunt for a few weeks now.  Filling out, and turning in applications and trying to re-work my resume...and I'm discouraged to say the least.
I went to school so that when I graduated, I would have a better chance of finding a good job.  However, that's proving to be much more difficult than I expected.
I guess I just figured since I had my degree, and I spent a lot of sweat, tears, hours of my life, and lost so much sleep that that would matter to someone and I would be rewarded for that-with a job.
Maybe that's just my fault for being naive-and also for not taking into account the billions of other people who live on this planet and also need to work.
I just didn't expect to be 23...living at home...with no job.
I probably sound incredibly silly right now...I am fully aware that 23 is YOUNG.  And I LOVE my family, so living with them is wonderful.  And I in no way am writing this to evoke a pity party...more just to get my feelings out.

I feel a little frustrated...and a lot discouraged.  I don't know how people do this for years.  I don't know how people with multiple degrees and extended experience do this.  Because that's the truth.  There are people much more qualified than I, who are looking for jobs too.

So to all you out there looking for jobs too-I feel your stress, and I understand your frustration.  And to those of you with jobs-especially those of you who get to do something you love on a daily basis-Im envious of you and I encourage you to work every day with your whole heart, and be grateful for what you have.

Crossroads.

You know that point in your life where you aren't really sure what to do, or what comes next?
Yep, I'm right there.
That Crossroad.
I graduated about 7 months ago from College, got a job really quickly, and then quit that job about 3 weeks ago.
Now its making me rethink everything.
Did I major in the right thing?  Did I go to the right school?  What do I want to do with my life?
And ultimately: what makes me really, really happy?
I know it might seem far fetched, but one of my goals in life is to live out the saying "If you do something you love, then you'll never have to work a day in your life"...
Now don't get me wrong, I realize there will be days that even the best, most amazing job in the entire world could bring me to my wits end...but I want to feel most days like I'm enjoying my time.  I also realize that a lot of this has to do with my own personal attitude.  I make the choice every single day to be happy, as well as to enjoy the circumstances I am in.  But at the same time....there are certain things that I cannot control, and certain things I can't make happen...much as I'd like to.
SO....
yea.
what to do next.
I am totally lost on the answer to this question.  

rambling thoughts of an insomniac hypochondriac

I can't sleep at night. I am amazing at sleeping during the day...but when it comes to sleeping at night...I'm the worst.
It's like as soon as my head hits the pillow my mind starts racing with things I need to do, or worse things I should have done already but have been putting off, and still worse, I start thinking of everything I am afraid of.
For those of you don't know me, I am a hypochondriac.  Self diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure the doctors would agree. lol.  And I'm POSITIVE my family already does.
If I hear about some disease or illness going around, its only a matter of moments before I am convinced I have it too.  Around 8th grade or so I started driving my parents crazy because every other day I was certain I had meningitis.  I had heard that it made you sick to your stomach and your neck stiff.  So every five minutes or so I would bend my chin to my chest and start crying because I was certain that It was getting harder and harder to do.
In high school, I discovered Web MD.  This was NOT my friend.  Every other day I had something new.  All kinds of crazy things you only see on episodes of House....yep, I was certain I had them.
I've gotten better the last few years, and I no longer think I have every illness known to man, but I still worry.
I can't really watch the news.  This is actually something that really bothers me.  Sometimes it makes me feel selfish.  For instance, last year when the tsunami hit, I had to turn the TV off.  I literally could not watch the coverage.  And its not just the huge catastrophes that rock the world that I can't handle-its the little ones too.  I can't watch any stories about anyone dieing without thinking about my own mortality, and slipping right into panic mode.
Yet another thing I struggle with...thoughts of my own mortality.  These thoughts creep up on me sometimes and I literally have panic attacks.  Sometimes, I honestly feel like my fear of dieing keeps me from living.  I am constantly aware of the fact that I am not here forever....and while I totally one hundred percent believe in Heaven, and believe that it is a wonderful place completely beyond my comprehension...that in itself is what gets me.  How can I be prepared for something which I cannot comprehend?  I obviously have a control issue, and a desire to understand all variables.  But I can't help it.  Sometimes life makes absolutely no sense to me.  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Why do some people die so so young, and others live to be so old?  Why are there even things like tsunamis and cancer?  I have a list a mile long of why's....and I know I will never understand any of them this side of Heaven.
A few weeks ago, this wonderful woman in my life brought me this book called "Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence".  Boy do I need some of that...some peace.
I read this passage tonight...and it hit home with me so hard...

"I want you to learn a new habit  Try saying 'I trust you Jesus' in response to whatever happens to you.  ..This simple practice will help you see Me in every situation acknowledging My sovereign control over the universe.  When you view events from this perspective-Through the light of My universal Presence- fear loses its grip on you."

"FEAR LOSES ITS GRIP ON YOU"

 
So tonight FEAR....at 2:07 pm...I release your grip on me.  You don't get to control me tonight....and instead  I will say, "I trust you Jesus.  Thank you in advance for the Peace that I know you will provide. "

Goodnight world.  

And it's only just begun...

So far 2012 has treated me very well.
I ended my 2011 with the boyfriend.
He took me out to dinner at The Melting Pot, and then downtown to watch the fireworks. It was such a great way to end one year, and begin another!
It was our first time at The Melting Pot, and the food was AH-MAZING! My favorites were the strawberry salad, the beef with teriyaki sauce, my "Love Martini", the pound cake dipped in chocolate, and my date :)

Before heading out for dinner.

Downtown for fireworks!

My New Years Kiss <3

Such a fun night!!  And today, we got to go to a Kings game and watch my favorite team get a win!

I can't wait to go back on Thursday, to hopefully see them win again, with my daddy!  I got us tickets as part of his Christmas gift!  I love going to games with him!

Such a great start to the year already...and it's only January 2nd. 

Looking forward to all that God has planned in the coming months.

I know there are some wonderful memories to be made....

Happy New Year Everyone!